I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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