I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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