so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
