That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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