i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
