i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
