thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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