The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
