i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
