let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
