4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
