I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
