Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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