My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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