you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
