There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
