He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Less talking, more tequila
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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