When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
