I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
