Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
