Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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