The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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