i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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