ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
