I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
