Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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