he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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