There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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