In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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