We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
