I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
