yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
