brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
