Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
