Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
