if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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