he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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