If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
