What a fucking waste of an outfit
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
