She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
