I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
