What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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