I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
