it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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