Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
