Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
