Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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