I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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