You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
