That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
