some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
