Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
